Sunday, February 24, 2008

Am I the only person in this house with any brains?

Seriously, am I?

I woke up this morning to find out my 3 year old granddaughter had thrown up 3 times last night. The bathtub is full of puke, the blankets and pillowcases are full of puke. Someone in this cosmos please tell me WHY anyone would think it's a good idea to have a child throw up in the bathtub and then pile laundry on top of it???

Is common sense hereditary? Because if it is, they are missing some serious DNA!

Then, Natalea, the 3 year old, comes back to the office trailing a green strand of yarn behind her, asking for scissors. Okay, let's go see what's going on there. The 7 year old, Elyzabeth, and Natalea have some invention idea and need the yarn to create something. Okay, that's fine, we encourage imagination here. Let's just clean it up when we're done, alright? Okay.

Then, I go into the bathroom and open the shower door. I shed a lot of hair, and I have a special plastic drain cover to catch all the hair before it gets stuck in the drain. It's much easier to clean up that way.

Now, what happens next is totally my fault, but it's my shower and I'm entitled to freak out...I can see that someone used the shower, Eric, my 24 year old son. That's okay, his hair is shaved so how bad can it be? It's my hair, that he didn't bother to ask me to take out BEFORE he showered, so I'll just scoop it out....with my finger...bad idea!

The story here is that the shower doesn't really drain all that quickly. My husband says that's because the vent pipe is frozen. I think there's something else wrong, but what do I know. I'm just a woman. So I have to leave the shower to drain completely so I can clean my hair out. By the time I remember it's the next day, so I clean it out, the hair and shower is dry so even better for me.

Well, today, it's wet, but I have a strong stomach so I take my finger and start scooping hair. Oh, wait, what's this? IT'S NOT HAIR! Someone decided to clear out their sinuses in my shower that has a drain cover on it that won't allow hair through, let alone a loogie!! WHY, why on God's green earth would anyone think it's a good idea to spit that shit in a shower with virtually no where for it to GO???????

Okay, so there's a lot of colorful expletives and yelling going on. And the grand kids are curious as to what is going on. So after the chaos is over, I walk out of the bathroom and become tangled in about 35 feet of GREEN YARN!!

me: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS CRAP?!!! Did I, or did I not say to clean this up after yourselves.
7 year old: Yes you did, but we're not done with it.
me: Well, it looks to me like you're done since your sitting in the corner playing a game and not anywhere near the yarn, nor are you even touching it. Now clean it up!
7 year old: okay!

I dig puke covered pillowcases and towels out of the other shower and to the wash machine, wishing I could bleach them, but can't because the cases are bright blue and brand new. On the return trip from the wash machine I AGAIN become entangled in the yarn!!

What the hell, you're not touching this yarn therefore you're done with it now pick it up NOOOOOOWW!! Reply: OKAY! And someone shut off that damn Dora game, for the love of God, before I go insane. Reply: OKAY!

Why do I have to get out of control before anyone hears me? Is it really necessary for me to have to get mad around here? Well, at least the yarn is cleaned up and the game is turned down.

Now to clean up some pukey blankets.


JDStar said...

Ok, so I really want to know what they were doing with the green yarn. All I can think is that they made a bear trap and they caught you twice! :)

Jamie said...

Haha, a bear trap would be interesting. No, they were creating a "door Opener" for my bedroom closet. So they could open it from way out in the frontroom!! That's why I was all tangled up!