Ah yes, here we go again....Welcome f-ing home!

My husband now works as an over the road trucker. It's a big change that we both have to try to get used to. Thanks to the economy, I'm sure there are many families out there who are making sacrifices also. So, when this decision of truck driving first came out, I was sad. But at least we'd be together every 3-5 days, so that won't be so bad, right? After all, he'd already been out of town for four weeks straight right before Thanksgiving, and we both survived. So we can do this too.

Well, as he's getting ready to leave, I realize I can't keep it in any longer. After all, some jackass is going to try to mug him, he'll get clubbed over the head with some pipe and be left for dead. He'll be mobbed, robbed and assaulted, and I'll never see him again, nor will anyone ever know what happened! Oh my god, he can't leave!! Deep breath, don't over exaggerate, everything will be fine. So just before he's getting read to leave, to show my confidence and support, I blurt out, "Maybe you should go buy a gun!"

NICE!! That'll make him feel better. Anything else you want to blurt out to boost his confidence and security? So, in return, to make me feel even better I hear "You know, I was thinking about that. I'm going to ask if I can bring a gun. But for now I'm bringing my knife."

Well sweet! So we're both thinking these hideous things and now neither one of us will get any sleep! My advantage is that I have a 100 pound dog to watch my back. And my husband is going to be completely alone, the man who can sleep through an earthquake! Good lord, he'd be killed before he even knew what was happening. *heavy sigh*

So, anyways, just this last week he gets the unexpected pleasure of coming home on a Tuesday night just this last week. Whoopee, we were both exhausted last weekend, and now is the perfect opportunity for me to break out the new nighties I secretly bought and we can get down to business!

So, I make him a big roast dinner. Definitely something he's not used to. I hate cooking these days, and rarely ever did. Now that he's gone I feel like I want to do these little things for him again.

We enjoy the meal, and are sitting at the table and he reaches over and grabs a letter. "Disconnection notice" from the power company. Oh hell, why did I leave that out. There are some things better left unseen by my husbands eyes: one is the mortgage payment coupon showing the total blood money due; and second is anything stating "final notice" or "disconnect". So naturally, he freaks out.

me: I paid the bill just last week. We just got that one, so it's OK, they just crossed in the mail.
him: are you sure. We don't need to come home and have the meter gone like before. (yes, I did it once before, I'm dumb, I admit it)
me: I just paid the damn thing, they crossed in the mail. I'm telling you.
him: I know you say you paid it, but maybe you just think you did. It's too cold to get the power shut off. And we don't have $100 to get it hooked back up. You need to make sure.

A fight ensues until I find the other portion of the bill. The portion where I write how much I paid with what check on what day. Does that make him happy? NOOOOO, he continues to nag and bitch and complain until finally I put my flannels on and go to bed pouting.

Thanks a lot you asshole! Now our night is ruined and we're both upset. And I haven't had sex in about 2 weeks. And since he's been gone, it seems like intimacy is the only thing that makes me feel like he cares. But who wants that now?

So, the week goes by, we talk on the phone, he's in a better mood, I'm still crabby. And he's coming home on Saturday. Well, this is the weekend all the grand kids are over, so there won't be a whole lot of intimacy going on, but at least we'll be able to enjoy each other's company.

Well, much to my surprise he walks in two hours early. And what are the first words out of his mouth? "Why the hell are both outside lights on, and how long have they been on? Don't you guys notice this stuff when you go outside? Why can't you pay attention to that stuff and shut those lights off. blah blah, blahbitty blah blah."

Are you fargin shitting me?? I haven't seen you for FIVE lousy days and the first thing out of your mouth is THIS? Well, needless to say, I blew. I let him have it. He made me feel like crap on Tuesday, and now he's doing it again!

Needless to say, the nightie is still in the closet....

Mad wife, or just mad?

Yeah, that's right. I'm mad! Why? Well, let me tell you all about it....

I was originally going to share witty anecdotes of my marriage with others who would be able to see the humor in a marriage. But this morning I decided that my best course of action was to let it all out.

I mean, after that cigarette bounced off my windshield this morning, and I was really wishing I could get away with running that ass off the road, I thought to myself..."there's more to complain about than my husband." The guy tossing his smoke at my face is some one's husband, and she probably hates him as much as I do right now. So why not vent and see who else can empathize with me. I know you're out there!!

Just yesterday I thanked a group of people on my Etsy forum for listening to me complain. I felt great afterwords. I'm sure they had better things to do, but we understand each other and doggone it, it feels good to get it off your chest! So...

Now, let's go back to my earlier complaint about cigarette-flinging butt heads driving old decrepit dented vehicles. Heaven forbid they put that garbage in their ashtray! I have a better idea, let's toss the crap out onto the street for birds and animals to eat! Yeah, that's a great idea because no one cares about the environment, or my windshield. Hell, let's just blow my damn car up and really make my day!!

Now, I know my car's not going to blow up. But what if, what IF i had a gas leak? And what if I'd gotten gas on my windshield. Yeah, the gas was squirting all over the front of my car, let's just say. And along comes this nice glowing TORCH, right at me. Poof...flames, another one bites the dust.

So again, I'll ask WHY are you tossing that lit cigarette from your car window when you could KILL someone?? *sigh*