Friday, March 20, 2009

What are you up to?

Oh, I'm glad you asked. I'm sitting here eating my hot dog smothered in ketchup with some mustard and relish wondering why some people say real humans don't put ketchup on hot dogs because I thought I was human and I have ketchup on my hot dog, so go figure. Real people do eat ketchup on their hot dogs!

Before that I was cleaning the bathroom and as I Swiffered (Swiffer company owes me for product plug) I wondered how I could possibly have any hair left on my head because it all appears to be on the floor.

I'd cleaned the toilet earlier and was astonished to find that I had to pee so bad I couldn't wait to wipe the seat dry after using those soaking wet cleaning cloths and now my butt is sanitized.

Oh, and my daughter called to see if I'd baby sit and I said no and she replies that it's okay cuz they're having kids over and her son wants to play with his friend anyways. So I'm left there staring at my phone wondering why she even asked me in the first place, so obviously I failed some sore of test because she said goodbye.

Before that I was wondering why I didn't think before signing up or another website because now I have about 8 million and I can't even keep track of them all. And you think I would have been happy to find out that one of my websites completely deleted my account, because that would free up my time. But no, I went and re-established that account and now there's somewhere else I have to post and upload pictures.

And if that wasn't bad enough I created another Flickr group so I can have less free time then I do now because I really don't like sleeping, that's what coffee was invented for.

Yesterday I had realized that since I now have a new email address I'd best update that info with all my online payment accounts so that when they email me to tell me my payment bounced I'll know why the TV, phone and electricity has suddenly been shut off. I spend half of today updating that, and also found out my daughter has her name on my account which is weird cuz how the hell did she even get in there, dang those "remember me" buttons. And there's a page called "Nana's profile" so that obviously was my grand daughters doing. So I can only assume my daughter was drinking and has now involved her 8 year old in the classic pass time of drinking and doing drive by profile changes.

And while cleaning out my old email box I found info on even more websites I'm signed up on and then realized I hadn't posted on my blog for a while but I really didn't know what I was going to say so I had more coffee. And a couple hot dogs with ketchup. YES, KETCHUP! Because I'm some weird alternate me from another dimension who likes ketchup on her hot dog. And that brings me back to my blog and the story of my day.

It's now 2:06 pm CST. So thanks for asking what I've been up to. Because otherwise I'd have had NOTHING to write about, except maybe that guy in the Max Gray Construction truck who cut me off the other day because he was obviously still sleeping as could be seen by his wild bedhead hair sticking out all over the place, hello it's called a hair brush. And the fact that he didn't even bother to turn his head to check his blind spot to see if my car was there, which it WAS!! Or was it Grey Max something or other? Well, either way, you suck at driving!

Have a good day. (Waiting for check from Swiffer company)

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Driving Leasons from a Pro

I thought that I would give everyone some tips on driving. Since most of the people on the road seem to lose all common sense when the get behind the wheel.

One thing to remember is SAFETY FIRST. The second thing is that I like to be in front of the pack, so just get the hell out of my way already!!

Okay. With those important reminders said, let's move on to my observations from the snowstorm driving I experienced yesterday....
  • Speeding up while someone is trying to pass you will just cause them great rage and they may just run your ass off the road!
  • Pulling out in front of people when the roads are slippery is NOT a good idea. Unless you want to file a claim with your insurance company, have your rates go up and find out you didn't have gap coverage so you'll have to sell your first born to get a new car!!
  • Just because there is room for your car in between two other cars in the next lane does NOT mean it's safe to put your car between them! Seriously people, THINK!
  • Pulling out in front of a semi is NEVER, I can't stress it enough-N E V E R a good idea. Do you realize it takes them about 10 minutes to stop that huge load of 800 million pounds of cargo? So basically, by the time they've stopped, all 18 wheels have run your dumb ass over. Don't let Darwin win this one folks. Smarten up!
  • Can't seem to make it up that slippery slope? Have you ever thought of NEW TIRES? I shouldn't have to point this one out, but you made me.
  • When changing lanes on snow covered roads do it slowly and smoothly. Don't jerk the steering wheel to move the car over the little ridge of snow. It will grab your tires and whip you into the ditch. Seriously! Ask all the people I laugh at as I wave at them in the ditch...while I drive by!
  • If you are going to drive 10 miles an hour on the freeway please turn your flashers on so we do not have to swerve into the next lane to avoid killing ourselves because you're too scared to hit mach 1. I'd like to thank the person yesterday who DID have their flashers on, and recommend the above advise on new tires!
Well, this was all I felt like getting into today. Seems like common sense to me.