Stupid Shit My Husband Says On Marriage

Election day is just around the corner and it seems like a hot topic is marriage.  Since my dear hubby (DH) is not allowed to talk politics with me I was surprised he asked me if he could ask my opinion on same sex marriage.  I was a little surprised by that since I consider myself very liberal and open minded, so he should know how I feel.

But, he insisted, and here's the irritating conversion, to the best of my memory.

dh: can I ask you how you feel about the issue of same sex marriage
me: well, it shouldn't even be a topic.
dh: yeah it should.
me: why, marriage is between the two people who want to be married. I shouldn't matter between you, me or anyone else.
dh: but the bible defines it as a union between a man and a woman.
me: the church should expend their energy cleaning house and keep their nose out of the business of the state.  That's why there's a separation between church and state.
dh: But if they allow two of the same sexes to get married, what's next?
me: (looking dumbfounded)
dh: Well, what's next? I mean, will a person want to marry their dog, or cat.  Or what if someone wants to marry a tree.
me: (looking even more dumbfounded)
dh: Well, that'll be the next thing to happen.  Don't you think?
me: NOOO!
dh: Sure it will.
me: No one is going to want to marry a tree! Or a dog, or a cat or anything else.
dh: Oh yes, it will happen. I guarantee it.
me: Shut up, stop talking.  We're done here.
dh: Yep, that'll happen next.

And this is how my evening started. I think I'll go back to mom's and watch football.

Driving Leasons from a Pro

I thought that I would give everyone some tips on driving. Since most of the people on the road seem to lose all common sense when the get behind the wheel.

One thing to remember is SAFETY FIRST. The second thing is that I like to be in front of the pack, so just get the hell out of my way already!!

Okay. With those important reminders said, let's move on to my observations from the snowstorm driving I experienced yesterday....

• Speeding up while someone is trying to pass you will just cause them great rage and they may just run your ass off the road!
• Pulling out in front of people when the roads are slippery is NOT a good idea. Unless you want to file a claim with your insurance company, have your rates go up and find out you didn't have gap coverage so you'll have to sell your first born to get a new car!!
  
• Just because there is room for your car in between two other cars in the next lane does NOT mean it's safe to put your car between them! Seriously people, THINK!
• Pulling out in front of a semi is NEVER, I can't stress it enough-N E V E R a good idea. Do you realize it takes them about 10 minutes to stop that huge load of 800 million pounds of cargo? So basically, by the time they've stopped, all 18 wheels have run your dumb ass over. Don't let Darwin win this one folks. Smarten up!
• Can't seem to make it up that slippery slope? Have you ever thought of NEW TIRES? I shouldn't have to point this one out, but you made me.
• When changing lanes on snow covered roads do it slowly and smoothly. Don't jerk the steering wheel to move the car over the little ridge of snow. It will grab your tires and whip you into the ditch. Seriously! Ask all the people I laugh at as I wave at them in the ditch...while I drive by!
  
• If you are going to drive 10 miles an hour on the freeway please turn your flashers on so we do not have to swerve into the next lane to avoid killing ourselves because you're too scared to hit mach 1. I'd like to thank the person yesterday who DID have their flashers on, and recommend the above advise on new tires!

Well, this was all I felt like getting into today. Seems like common sense to me.

Everyone is dumb, but me....

Did you ever say that to yourself? I'm guessing you have. I say it to myself all the time. Like, when I heard about the Firefox browser, at first, I said, well, I've never heard of that, must be dumb. Then I looked it up online, and downloaded it and WOW. I said to myself, I am so smart to have found Firefox, it's so FAST!! It is, seriously fast, like the stealth bomber, except it won't fall apart and crash on someone's house. And the government has nothing to do with it so it's tax free....for now.

So, today, my little anti virus icon is yellow, meaning I better find out what's going on, cuz yellow means "caution" and all. So it says I need to download updates...click here. Okay, so I click, and what happens? IE opens up (Internet Explorer). Well, again I say to myself, "Well, that's dumb that I can't make it open in Firefox but I so do not have time to mess with this dumb thing because I have a blog to write. And I already spent a hundred hours trying to figure it out before and it apparently only likes IE, so that's just dumb. I thought Bill Gates was smart so why his anti virus only works in IE is so totally dumb!

Well, I come here all irritated and everything because I hate IE, and I start typing about how dumb everything is and I get to the point where I type about my anti virus being yellow and my computer freezes up. Again...DUMB IE!! So I click on that, and after all that time nothing had happened on IE cuz it froze up all dumb and stuff. So I go get more coffee, wishing I liked brandy and whiskey cuz I'd so be adding some of that to my coffee, but I don't so I'll just have to be sober and mad.

So the dumb IE finally loads it's dumb page and I click on the update icon...again! The box pops up saying "download 1 of 1". Well, thank the good lord for that because that dumb download is putting a good 248 MB on my computer! Taking up good space I could be downloading other cool stuff onto. But no, I have to update my anti virus because of all the DUMB hackers and virus creators who have nothing better to do with their dumb lives then make our really cool and smart lives miserable.

Okay, so after all this talk about all the dumb stuff going on in my computer it still has only loaded 46 MB of it's dumb 248 MB so I might as well go shopping or something. Maybe I'll send Bill and email and tell him how dumb IE is because he just doesn't know it yet, even though he probably totally owns it but I can't look it up because the dumb download is hogging all my PF usage and totally slowing down my computer. Then maybe he'll say that I'm so smart he needs to hire me to help him spend his money making really cool websites that are way better then IE and I'll be famous and everyone with totally know how smart I am.

BTW, only 72 MB downloaded! Dumb download!

Mad wife, or just mad?

Yeah, that's right. I'm mad! Why? Well, let me tell you all about it....

I was originally going to share witty anecdotes of my marriage with others who would be able to see the humor in a marriage. But this morning I decided that my best course of action was to let it all out.

I mean, after that cigarette bounced off my windshield this morning, and I was really wishing I could get away with running that ass off the road, I thought to myself..."there's more to complain about than my husband." The guy tossing his smoke at my face is some one's husband, and she probably hates him as much as I do right now. So why not vent and see who else can empathize with me. I know you're out there!!

Just yesterday I thanked a group of people on my Etsy forum for listening to me complain. I felt great afterwords. I'm sure they had better things to do, but we understand each other and doggone it, it feels good to get it off your chest! So...

Now, let's go back to my earlier complaint about cigarette-flinging butt heads driving old decrepit dented vehicles. Heaven forbid they put that garbage in their ashtray! I have a better idea, let's toss the crap out onto the street for birds and animals to eat! Yeah, that's a great idea because no one cares about the environment, or my windshield. Hell, let's just blow my damn car up and really make my day!!

Now, I know my car's not going to blow up. But what if, what IF i had a gas leak? And what if I'd gotten gas on my windshield. Yeah, the gas was squirting all over the front of my car, let's just say. And along comes this nice glowing TORCH, right at me. Poof...flames, another one bites the dust.

So again, I'll ask WHY are you tossing that lit cigarette from your car window when you could KILL someone?? *sigh*